Benchmarks

“I like gold.” - Goldmember, Austin Powers

Actually written by Mike Myers and Michael McCullers, Austin Powers is still one of my favourite movies. The James Bond spoof genre needs more attention in my opinion.

But what the heck does that have to do with benchmarks? An obscure quote from a movie made in 2002 and mental health? Those do not go together, unless the movie is something like The Pianist. Well, if you look closely in that quote from Austin Powers, something very important is mentioned. Gold.

For a few decades, gold has been a good enough benchmark for essentially the entire world’s economy. In fact, in 1717 (what a good year number) it was none other than Sir Issac Newton who introduced gold as a benchmark for all of England.

When you Google “benchmarks and mental health” you get a bunch of articles explaining various benchmarks in the mental health field. Duh. But it is more focused on the performance of certain practices. Which hospitals have the best mental health benchmarks. I saw percentages, the word “performance” multiple times when regarding the effectiveness of people, who has access to mental health, etc.

I could not find one piece that talked about what I want to talk about today. Yes, benchmarks like that are important. It is good to know how, as a country, we are helping out our citizens regarding their mental health. But what about you? You, who are reading these words right now, forming these words and taking them in, reflecting on them (like this word, poop), processing them, and hopefully learning from them.

You get a lot of questions and comments when taking a break for your mental health. When will you go back to work Connor? When will you get to the gym Connor? There’s vital information in this R2 unit, help me Connor, you’re my only hope.

The thing is, I have absolutely no idea. A broken leg is binary. I do not have a broken leg that is either healed or not. I do not feel like my mental health is binary. If you are struggling, you know the feeling of being okay one day: the sun is shining, you just spoke with a friend on the phone for an hour, you have good music on and cannot help but dance. And then the next day you cannot get out of bed and if you made it to the next sunrise it is an absolute win.

So, what can I do to judge my recovery? What could you do? Well my friend, that is where we are going to make our own benchmarks. This will be something I found that worked very well for myself, and may not work for you. But I’m sharing my experience with it in hopes that you will get something out of it too.

If you have not read the About yet, I tried to meditate when I got the idea for The 5th Humour. I made it 89 seconds before I started to cry too hard to continue. I recovered and took inventory of myself. I was okay, I had survived, but I only 89 seconds in my meditation.

The meditation video I was using on YouTube is 10 minutes long. I noticed the point where I had stopped the video, and how much time was left.  And just like that, my brain made the connection. I should be meditating as often as possible, but it is hard because I am ill. Staying still for too long brings back too many painful memories that have been repressed. How would I know if I am making progress dealing with these emotions?

What if I timed myself?

No stopwatch, too stressful. No sand timer or sundial. But what about a fixed, 10 minute YouTube video. If I try it once every 3 days, I can track my progress. Maybe one day I will make it to 2 minutes. Maybe one day will only be 30 seconds. But that is okay. I have a low stress tool for success. Another benchmark I found was watching the Netflix mini-series, Senna. An incredibly moving, emotional story about one of the best F1 drivers of all time.

I know what is coming in the series. I know it is going to be an emotional bomb. Something I would avoid with my entirety in the past when I did not know how to handle negative emotions. Boom, another benchmark for my own mental well-being. In the future, I will set aside a day to watch it and get through it. When that time comes, I know I will have the tools ready to process that information. If not, that is fine. I’m just not healed yet. Maybe next up will be a montage of Pixar movie openings.

So, for today, that is my advice to you. If you are struggling with your own mental wellness. First, take a few deep breaths. Try 3, long ones without interruption. If you get panicky or feel anxious (I know I do sometimes even while just breathing) then stop. But take a mental note on how many breaths you got through. If it is 3, awesome. Keep going and eventually try for 4 without being panicked.

Then find a benchmark for yourself. Something that you can handle in small doses even though you know it’s good for you. Challenge yourself. I am sure other blogs will lay out strict benchmarks that are used by lots of people. 100 jumping jacks, 10 reps, 1 mile.  That might work for some, but that is not The 5th Humour. Pick whatever you want, as long as it is positive and not hurting anyone. Maybe there is a certain song that reminds you of them. Give it a listen and when it is too much, mark down the time. Give yourself a hug and go on about your day. When you are ready, get back to that song and see how long you can listen.

And one more thing, be easy on yourself. I know sometimes it can be brutal and hard. Life is tough, no need to be tough on yourself.